being a slum-lord, lohan, prayer, and lingerie

we are still cranking away over at
our sweet rental house,
“the villa on corona”.
today, i repainted the front bedroom
because, apparently dark colors
are not the only colors that require
two coats sometimes.

we still have A LOT of work to do
before they more in on the 15th of august.
i mean, A LOT A LOT!
can’t wait to learn how to install the flooring
in the bathrooms and laundry room!
stuff like that totally excites me!

i am SO proud of herb and myself!
the place looks like a completely different house!
we have both worked really hard;
pushed ourselves.
and tried to be kind and patient with each other
in the process.

when we bought it, it was dark and old and outdated.
and now it is bright and clean and beautiful.
it is a home.
and i am so happy to have
a home to offer our family of renters.

11 more days until they move in!
it is also really fun because i have been praying
for quite some time now about our need for a community
of folks to walk along side in life
and things like these friends and their children moving in
NEXT DOOR bring
sweet promise and hope of answered prayers.

other things have happened too –
like a supper club with three other couples
who all decided, “yeah, it WOULD be great to meet every other week
rather than just every 3 or 4 weeks.”

add to this the rekindling and healing of other relationships.
god continues to be good to us
even when we don’t see it.

today i stumbled across tristan prettyman's silly song about lindsay lohan while i was on this girl's fun blog.
“lindsey, you can drink the Coke
but don’t snort the coke.”
it cracks me up.
especially because we saw her in concert
about a year and a half ago,
and she really did
talk about lindsay lohan the whole time.
hilarious.

it was sort of hard to tell after listening to this song,
but she seemed to really have a bit of a celebrity crush on the lohan.
i mean, have YOU seen her in "the parent trap"?
can you blame tristan?
having seen the film myself, I submit the following:
“no, no ya can't!”

in other news,
i learned the hard way today
that unless you REALLY know the person well,
don't buy lingerie for another person.
ever.
never.

even if the invitation to her bridal shower
suggests that she wants lingerie.
if you don't know her, bring some lotion.
Bring a candle.
heck – order her a case of massage oil if you need to
feel like you are contributing to their marriage bed experience.
and I don’t
not any more than i support healthy sex in all marriages.
but i got a little excited.
and i bought some stuff.
it was sexy.
and i am afraid,
based on the look on her face,
and a little conversation i had with her,
it was a little TOO sexy.

hmmm.
i felt a little silly.
and maybe just a little slutty.
and not in a good way.
oh well.

WINNER!

there were 9 people who left a comment
so herb counted the number of steps
between the couch
and the newspaper

15 steps

and took the last number

5

to determine the winner

the 5th commentor was aly!

hey aly, why don't you let us know if you find any fun new tunes, okay???


have a happy happy friday!

cara

***RAI*** (Random Act of iTunes!)

today i purchased tickets to see lyle lovett this summer
cool

after i checked out
i received an email
that told me
that they wanted to give me
THREE FREE SONGS FROM ITUNES
there they were . . .
the three little codes to enter
to redeem free music
even cooler

guess what?
i want to give those songs to YOU, dear reader!

so, leave a comment
telling me the first concert you ever went to
and on friday morning,
i will pick a name

and forward my three free iTunes
to you!
to redeem any old way you choose!

(confession: my first concert ever was in the 6th grade . . . New Kids on the Block . . . does that date me or what!?!?!
for my 16th birthday, i was able to take a bunch of girlfriends to go see The Steve Miller Band . . . that, my friends, was my first exposure to pot . . . it was being smoked by the adults on the blanket next to us who were our parents ages. it was really wierd.)

GOOOOOODBYE Austin, I Hardly Knew Ya!

Dear Austin, Texas USA:
I have heard lovely things about you. Your music scene sounds very fun and funky. I appreciate that in a music scene. I also understand you have good food. Things like burgers smothered in queso. I like queso very much. When you say "burger smothered in cheese", it sounds unhealhty. But adding that Spanish semantic twist was a good idea. Do people eat more cheese in Texas, because it is called queso? I bet they do. Not only do you have good cheese marketing, all of the people I have known who have Austin ties are very down to earth and fun. And let's not forget style. Those ladies have figured out how to do the whole, "Who me??? Oh, i just threw these skinny jeans and sparkely (but not TOO sparekly) top on and happen to look like a sex kitten" look down pat!

Cheese and sex kittens aside, I am afraid when I visit tomorrow, I will have to keep my distance. I can't get too close. I cannnot become attached to you. You see, if I fall in love with you, I will surely be disappointed.

Becuase with clowdy, rainy skies and a humidity level of 94%, it is guarenteed that after this weekend, herb and I will NEVER live in Austin.

With the Anticipation of Unrequited Love,
Cara Harjes

I'm Over It

It is snowing.
Again.
For the third time
in three weeks.

I am researching cheap flights to Mexico.
Heck - we have miles - we could just fly for free.

Maybe when we get back this will have all melted.

Probably not.
I have to come back before MARCH!

In other news . . .

I finally got over my "artists block" with the painting I am doing . . .
Who would have guessed that wandering into Paper Talk to get invites for Aly's "baby shower" would help me over the hump . . . but it is amazing what a new pack of the most perfect black and white polka-dotted tissue paper . . . mixed with a funny conversation with a self-proclaimed co-dependant gay man . . . will do for a girl! I am grateful.

I have been thinking about goals for this next year . . . still have not figured that all out yet. But certainly am realizing that my life is really different than it was a year and a half ago and I have a lot of room to play with my creativity - but with that freedom comes the flip side . . . a lack of structure and expectation. So, I must figure out a groove with finding my own set of goals and structure.

Life is good.
Now, if I could just remember that!!!!

I was listening to "Cecilia" this morning and chuckled as I remembered that it was not that long ago that I realized that Paul Simon was the Simon of Simon & Garfunkle. Funny.

I am also really enjoying Regina Spektor (especially On the Radio) . . . and the Grey's Anatomy Season One Soundtrack . . . especially the last 5 or 6 songs.

I have been talking to Kelly Jackson a lot lately . . . three times in one week - lucky girl am I! Grateful for her too . . . so that makes tissue paper, a gay wedding planner, and Kelly on my gratitude list so far . . .

And herb. I am grateful for herb. He has been playing out of the box with me lately . . . and I appreciate that a lot! We went sledding! So much fun. I have not been sledding in about 7 years! And then, for New Years, we stayed in an made homemade sausage. Yep. That's right. We are trying out new family traditions . . . that are just ours. We really are liking this one! It is just quirky and funny and odd enough . . . But then we had people over the next day for football, lounging and sausage . . . so, really, that helped normalize it a bit. Next year, Sausage Fest 2007! Herb is already thinking about T-shirt designs . . . get excited!

All right . . . back to my canvas.

A Word From the Girl

Yesterday was packed.
And today is coming to an end . . .
but know that i am working on writings about the wandering and slavery that give meaning and purpose to this coming Advent Season . . .
i need to bite off small chunks . . . but instead, I am trying to completely relearn the old testament.

to tide you over . . .
listen to my favorite silly ditty . . .
completely irreverant . . .
by Dar Williams . . .
called The Christians and the Pagans

enjoy!

I will be back soon with my thoughts in order.
This everyday blogging thing is a big commitment!

I Am An Orphan Girl

My hope is that this pursuit of Advent's meaning can become an open conversation . . . whoever you are, if you read this blog, throw in your two cents. Let's explore this together.

Todays Song . . . .

We all have a wandering place inside. It is in our souls. It has become a part of our DNA, even, I think. Really. I think that somehow, if it is possible, the results of sin (a spiritual reality) have influenced and changed our physical reality. I know this is not a new thought - but it still just kind of mesmerizes me! We are so intertwined - body, mind, and spirit. Those guys at the YMCA really knew what they were talking about!

That wandering place is different for everyone . . . but it all goes back to "the big apple caper" that I talked about yesterday. Let's not blame Eve . . . . if she didn't do it, I am sure you or I would have. That must have been SOME apple . . . no, that was some lie that she believed! She believed that God didn't really loved her - that he was not setting limits to protect her, but rather to deceive her. Oi! So she bit in . . . and now there is a breech between Him and us.

And so we wander.

Like Jacob and his tribe.

Like Moses and his stragglers.

We wander.

Even though we are connected . . . to others. Even, now, connected to God again . . .

We wander.

As we walk into these first days of Advent, I think it is only right to get in touch with that wandering side of ourselves.

The Israelites, after they entered the Promised Land, still had to wait about 400 years before the promised King would arrive. They anticipated. They yearned.
And they had been yearning for generations.
That is an entire lineage - generation upon generation - of wandering and wondering and yearning and even some disappointment.

And just like disease has found its way into human DNA, I believe that after all of those years of feeling unconnected and unfulfilled . . . first in Egypt, then the desert, and finally "safe" but waiting for a king . . . a wandering heart and a constant feeling of being lost has also made its way into our physical makeup.

So, let's not skip ahead to the elation of longing being fulfilled that comes on December 25 . . .

I think we can really appreciate his arrival more if we first get in touch with how much we long for him.

We won't know the impact of his redeeming qualities if we are not aware of what it is that needs to be redeemed.

And now, the creative therapist in me gets to ask some questions . . .

* Imagine that your "wandering orphan" lives in a part of your body. Where would your orphan be? What color are the walls there? What does the temperature feel like? What does it look like? Is there a smell? Any sound?

* What is your wanderer looking for? How would your wanderer know they have found what they are looking for?

Before I leave you with the song. . .
I found this website yesterday . . . looks like they might be writing a weekly advent meditation.
(jennifer, is this where you went to church in nashville????)


Orphan Girl
I am not sure who wrote this . . . it is sung by Gillian Welch and Emmylou Harris . . . . and others, I am sure.
I suggest you find this on iTunes . . . it is good to hear the aching in these ladies voices.

I am an orphan on God's highway
But I'll share my troubles if you go my way
I have no mother no father
No sister no brother
I am an orphan girl

I have had friendships pure and golden
But the ties of kinship I have not known them
I know no mother no father
No sister no brother
I am an orphan girl

But when He calls me I will be able
To meet my family at God's table
I'll meet my mother my father
My sister my brother
No more orphan girl

Blessed Savior make me willing
And walk beside me until I'm with them
Be my mother my father
My sister my brother
I am an orphan girl

Sex, Drugs, Rock & Roll . . . and Apparently, Some Truth

They were looking for the Messiah to come on the back of a white stallion. Heck, I bet they expected he would be a grown-up. But he was the baby of an unmarried Jewish girl.

Not quite what you would expect.

But then again, God rarely chooses the obvious path.

I learned that, once again, several years ago when I stumbled upon this song.

A man who is cloaked in rumors about his sexuality, integrity, and drug habits . . .
he saw truth.
and he sings about it.

Let us look for God, today, in places we would never expect Him to be.
Like, for instance, in our hearts.

Still working on my reflections for today . . . going back to the begining . . . thinking about WHY we need a Messiah in the first place.
Whoa - there is just a lot to think about!
But I want to give it sufficient time to make sure I am saying things that are true . . . so, I will try to get that up this afternoon.


Have a great day!

The Christmas Song
by Dave Matthews and Tim Reynolds

She was his girl, he was her boyfriend
She'd be his wife, and make him her husband.
A surprise on the way any day any day
One healthy little giggling, dribbling baby boy
The wisemen came, three made their way
To shower him with love while he lay in the hay
Shower him with love, love, love
Love,love,love
Love,love was all around.
Not very much of his childhood was known
Kept his mother Mary worried always out on his own
He met another Mary, who for a reasonable fee,
Less than reputable was known to be
His heart was full of love, love, love
Love, love, love
Love, love was all around.
When jesus christ nailed to his tree
Said oh daddy-o, I can see how it all soon will be
I came to shed a little light on this darkening sea
Instead I fear I've spilled the blood of my children all around
The blood of my children all around
The blood of my childrens all around.
So I'm told, so the story goes
The people he knew were less than golden-hearted
Gamblers and robbers,
Drinkers and jokers, all soul searchers
Like you and me, like you and me
Rumors insisted that he soon would be
For his deviations taken into custody
By the authorities, less informed than he
Drinkers and jokers, all soul searchers
Searching for love, love, love
Love, love, love
Love, love was all around.
Preparations were made for a celebration day
He said eat this bread but think of it as me
Drink this wine and dream it will be the blood of our children all around
The blood of our children all around
The blood of our children all around
Father up above
Why in all this hatred do you fill me up with love, love, love
Love, love, love
Love, love is all around
Father up above
Why in all this hatred do you fill me up with love, fill me love, love, yeah
Love, love, love
Love, love, and the blood of our children all around.

One More Thing

I have some very favorite Christmas Carols . . .

But I also have some less traditional Christmas faves . . .

I will share one with you each day this month.

Today, I could not find the lyrics for this song.
BUT, I did find a site for you to download the tune for free!

Not to shabby, huh?

Just take a peak here and choose Linus Song from the list on the left hand side of the page.

Enjoy!

A Few Random Things

**** i love jesus but i have a really tough time getting into a lot of the music that other people who love jesus tend to make. BUT i am lovin' the "Who We Are Instead" album by Jars of Clay. Have no idea how old this album is . . . no idea how or when this little gem made it onto my iTunes . . . but I am so glad.
Find it.
Groove to it.
Love it.
Thanks.

**** Our friend Jake gave us a gift certificate to this sweet place, complete with credit to the lovely spa next door. On Friday, we got a jump start on Anniversary Week Celebrations! I sent Herb on a scavenger hunt around town . . . picking up little gifts and clues along the way . . . we met at the hotel (that was weird, never met a man at a hotel before. felt sketchy even though it totally wasn't! :) we had a great dinner, laughed, rested, read, had room service, and walked over to REI the next day. Fun fun times!

My Inner Afro-Cuban

There is a small Afro-Cuban woman that lives inside my belly. She often gets trapped by my two left feet. But she is in there. And last night, Mr. Chuchito Valdes called her out and led her around the dance floor of the Boulder theatre like the Pide Piper. If you don't know this man's music, go to i-tunes now and become acquainted. Run along now.

Now This is MY Kind of Class

In high school one of my "other mothers", Deb, often assured me that if I could just get through the next couple years, I would be fine. "You were MADE for college", she would say. Deb insisted that once I moved on from the high school scene I would finally find like-minded people who had similar goals and *gasp* understood my sense of humor. And as all good "other mothers", she was right. In college, I finally found my groove.

And last night, after years of randomly trying various dance, aerobic, and step classes, I found my groove again. NIA is to that first week of college as step aerobics is to the required daily 35 greuling minutes in the high school cafeteria. A mixture of dance, healing arts, and martial arts, it is about freedom and moving according to your body's own beat. It is about exploring and healing. There is some structure, but within that structure, there is a freedom to let your body move however it needs and wants to. And the music. Oh, the music! Latin, middle-eastern, african tribal, R&B and deep-gutsy slave spirituals. After an hour, I had laughed, smiled, punched, slithered, pushed, yelled, rolled, cried (but just a tiny bit), cha-chaed, did snow angels on the floor and danced a big beautiful dance of victory and strength. In a one hour exercise class. If you can deal with the occaisional weirdness (I just prayed when we "bowed" to each corner of the room), you must check this out!

wise girl lori chaffer

Alone Everybody
by Lori Chaffer and Don Chaffer

i am happiest when by myself
nobody’s hurts nobody’s helps
like a gun or bullet on a shelf
alone everybody’s fine

i’ve been playing little tricks on me
it’s fascinating what i’ll believe
then in circled stitches my mind weaves
alone everybody lies

i tell myself my life is pretty easy
i take a pill if i am ever queasy
i shut the door when it gets a little breezy
but people really baffle me

so i tiptoe around because it’s easier to fake it
try not to be loud, or emotionally naked.
i’ll agree to go out with my friends, but never make it
at least i keep my evenings free

if you want to try to shift the blame
think of how hard you try and all your pain
oh, there’s one amendment to the game
alone everybody cries

i’ve been thinking i could get along
i think i’m happy, i think i’m strong
but like my cactus when it’s dry too long
alone even cacti die
alone everybody’s fine
alone everybody lies
alone everybody cries

Background Music

Inspired by ESueYoung.

Your Life: The Soundtrack
Opening credits:	Beautiful - Nanci Griffith
Waking up:	Sunrise - Norah Jones
Average day:	Going in the Right Direction - Robert Randolph and the Family Band
First date:	Creepin' In - Norah Jones
Falling in love:	A Fine Romance - Billie Holliday
Love scene:	Moonlight Kiss - Bapp Kennedy
Fight scene:	Untouchable Face - Ani DiFranco
Breaking up:	Wedding Day - Rosie Thomas
Getting back together:	Pale Moon (We Belong Together) - Shannon McNally
Life's okay:	Angry Anymore - Ani DiFranco
Mental breakdown:	18 Bulletholes - Waterdeep
Driving:	Powerless (Say What You Want) - Nelly Furtado
Learning a lesson:	Bitter Root - Indigo Girls
Deep thought:	Horn - Nick Drake
Flashback:	This is Us - Emmylou Harris & Mark Knopfler
Partying:	Rose Rouge - St. Germain
Happy dance:	ABC - Jackson 5
Regreting:	Beautiful Man - Lori McKenna
Long night alone:	Save Me - Aimee Mann
Death scene:	Dance Me To The End of Love - Madeleine Peyroux
Closing credits:	Float On - Modest Mouse
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Cheap Cigarettes and Holiness

Something about these sweet simple words by rosie thomas stir a deep place inside of me:

so much for love
guess i've been wrong
but it's all right
cuz i'm moving on
i've got my car all packed with cassette tapes
and sweaters and loose change and cheap cigarettes
i'm gonna drive through the hills
with my hand out the window
and sing 'til i run out of words
i'm gonna stop at every truck stop
make small talk with waiters and truck driving men
i'm gonna fall asleep in the back seat
with no one around but me and my friends

it's gonna be so grand
it's gonna be just like my wedding day

i've had enough of love
it feels good to give up
so good to be good to myself
i'm gonna get on the highway with no destination
and plenty of vision in mind
and i'm gonna drive to the ocean
go skinny dipping
blow kisses to venus and mars
i'm gonna stop at every bar
and flirt with the cowboys in front their girlfriends

it's gonna be so grand
it's gonna be just like my wedding day

so much for love
i guess i've been wrong
but it's all right cuz i'm moving on
i'm gonna drive over hills
over mountains and canyons
and boys that keep bringin me down
i'm gonna drive under skyline and sunshine
drink good wine in vineyards
and get asked to dance
i'm gonna be carefree and let nothing pass me by
never ever again

it's gonna be so grand
it's gonna be so grand
just like my wedding day

These words stir a place inside . . .
A place that knows more about life and God and love than I do.
A place that is longing for real things and recognizes them when they are found.
What is so spiritual or real about drinking good wine and packing up loose change & cozy sweaters?
Surly there is nothing holy about a sweater. Unless you don't keep moth balls in your closet.
But this idea of packing up your favorite sweaters to keep you warm and mend your heart . . . there is something very spiritual about this.
I like this image.
I get it.
It has to do with healing and growth and hope.
And I do think God is in that sweater. Somehow. Not in a "everything is God and God is everything" sort of a way . . . there is a word for that which I learned in Seminary, but my mind does not hold non-intuitive, non-experiential information. So, you'll just have to figure it out yourself. But I think God is in that interaction between me and my sweater. When we seek comfort, whether we are seeking him as the source of comfort or not . . . we are seeking comfort . . . and when we seek comfort, I think he shows up too . . . just in case we choose to call on him. Because he so wants to comfort us.

He wants us to find joy in the simple things. In dancing with strangers. And when we blow kisses to the heavens, i think he catches them and puts them in the pocket of his beautiful patch work robe. Right next to the grizzley bear.

If God is an ocean, there is nothing more he wants than for us to skinny dip in him. Naked. Free.

He wants us to get in our cars, on our bikes, on our pogo sticks and drive, ride, or hop away from anger and sin and drive and drive until we see new life on the horizon. heartache and pain can come along for the ride. he will take care of us.
And somehow, maybe somehow, these sweet pleasures bring us joy not just like our worldly wedding days . . . but also like our wedding banquet we will share with the lamb.

The Promises We Keep

During this part of our ceremony Herb whispered: "Wow, that's a lot of salt." To which I replied (either audibly or in my mind. I don't remember - I was the bride so I don't have to remember!), "Well, it's a big commitment!"

The final part of Herb's wedding vows to me:
"I vow to laugh with you, sing off-key with you, boogie with you, cry with you, celebrate with you, make babies with you, walk in the park with you, nap with you, make decisions with you, tickle you, travel with you, and share my entire life with you until death do us part!"

It is so easy to get caught up in looking for big indicators of his love for me. But as I re-read these vows today, I realize that he shows me that he loves me all the time. Just the other night, we laid on our bed, and sang (off-key of course!) through the script of the musical RENT. It was so sweet, so simple, so unplanned. . . but so romantic and so saturated with Herb's vows. Saturated with Herb's heart.

So we laid there, on our regular bed in our regular house, after a night at church, after onion rings at Spanky's and before Grey's Anatomy. In the middle of our normal life, we lived our vows, singing:

"There is no future. There is not past. I live this moment. As my last. There's only us. There's only this. Forget regret. Or life is yours to miss. No other road. No other way. No day but today."

And as a sidenote: regarding the lame date you went on a few weeks ago, Kelly - straight men DO like musical theatre! You go girl! That man was not worth your while! But you already knew that! And that is reason 238 why I love you.

And as another sidenote: The blue behind us in this picture is not stained glass . . . it is Colorado's autumn indigo night sky. How lovely!

Grace, she carries a world on her hips

We spent some time this weekend with a friend in need of some grace. And the person she needs it from can't give it to her. This same tune has been playing on the Harjes Haus soundtrack all week. I am also in need of some grace from someone in my life who can't give me the break I don't deserve but desperately require in order for our relationship to continue living.

It is so easy to be angry at these people who see our faults, point them out, and then hang them over our heads chanting, "You are not good enough!" It makes me so angry. We're wrong, okay?!!?!! Me, my friend, the whole flippin' world - we are wrong. Not just in what we did but in who we are. We are so wrong we couldn't possibly be made right on our own. We get it. So, just stop saying that. Just stop!

But when I woke up this morning, I realized that I understand where they are coming from - much more than I would like to admit. I realized that I do the same thing. I realized that it fits right into something that has been nagging me the past week. I expect so much more from Herb than what I am willing or able to give him. I demand grace from him, but I am very very slow to give it to him.

For me, the source is fear. I am so scared to make allowances for the faults of others in my life, for fear that I will be absolutely wiped out by their faults. I fear for myself. My life. My safety. I fear that if I overlook a misstep, an oversight, an unkind word, a miscommunication, a hypocritical action, that I am opening myself up to pain.

And maybe I am. Maybe grace requires pain? Maybe it can't exist without pain? Maybe pain is the source of grace? Maybe I have to count on being hurt if I give grace?

Grace
She takes the blame
She covers the shame
Removes the stain
It could be her name

Grace
It's a name for a girl
It's also a thought that changed the world
And when she walks on the street
You can hear the strings
Grace finds goodness in everything

Grace, she's got the walk
Not on a ramp or on chalk
She's got the time to talk
She travels outside of karma
She travels outside of karma
When she goes to work
You can hear her strings
Grace finds beauty in everything

Grace, she carries a world on her hips
No champagne flute for her lips
No twirls or skips between her fingertips
She carries a pearl in perfect condition

What once was hurt
What once was friction
What left a mark
No longer stings
Because grace makes beauty
Out of ugly things

Grace makes beauty out of ugly things

(lyrics by U2)