his words . . .

back in february,
i was sitting in the play therapy room
at work with my colleagues and our spouses.

it was our christmas party

because we are therapists,
we don't care about things like
having christmas parties in the correct month.

and because we are therapists,
we do things at christmas parties
that most people wouldn't.

like take an hour and a half,
cocktails in hand,
to encourage one another.
as a staff, we shared all of the things
that we admire and respect about
our colleagues & team mates.

then our spouses got to speak.
and they were asked to share a trait
that we have that is a contribution to our team . . .
and THEN . . .
an area THEY would like to see us grow or push ourselves . . .
PROFESSIONALLY!

it was a gusty move on the part of
the conductor of ceremonies!
but it was cool.

i remember everything herb said.

"cara loves helping people learn about therapy - she is always so excited and pumped up after a team meeting. i would like to see her push herself a little and share her gifts more."

it is amazing what the words of a spouse can do to a person.

it can break a person down.

or it can build a person up.
it can give a person the courage they need to take a risky step.
because they know they are supported and loved
by someone who believes in them

because somebody thinks they have something worth sharing

so i did it
i created an internship program
for Foundations Family Counseling
a Master's level, year long internship program
for counseling students

i wrote curriculum
i marketed to schools
i interviewed candidates
i made binders with lots of information
and i bought snacks

because snacks are important

and yesterday,
for 6 hours,
i led the first day of orientation
for my first class of interns!

and it went fabulously!

all you need to know . . .

is that as i sat toward the front of the movie theatre
and craned my head back
i saw plenty of light reflecting
off of the metal emblems centered on the foreheads
of children, tweens, and teenagers alike

me: "are those people wearing headbands?"
herb: "yes. yes they are."

i kept my hand secured on herb's forearm most of the evening
to ensure that i didn't laugh outloud.
instead, i just dug my fingers into his flesh.

you also need to know that people were cheering throughout this film
we waited for the prompts of our seatmates
(who, impressively, did not take us up on our offer to sit behind them!)
before hooting or hollering.

my 15 year old friend was sweet and funny
her companion
(whom i was brashly informed "is NOT my boyfriend")
was equally sweet, funny, and charming.
and he shared his mozeralla cheese sticks with me at Red Robin.

on the way home, i told herb
"i don't know how B wouldn't like him.
i am a grown, married woman,
and i had a crush on him within 10 minutes!"

that's not weird, is it?

weird would have been if i had worn the ninja costume.
i didn't.

stinky yoga. yummy recipes.

A) last night i went to my first "detox yoga" class.
you might know it as bikrahm or hot yoga.
I call it stinky yoga.
why?
well, 10 people in a 12x12 room set to 80 degrees
equals stinky!

but oh so good for the mind and body!

B) a few weeks ago i asked my friend rachael if i could make dinner sometimes for her family.
why?
because she is 8 months pregnant
with a 3 year old
works full time
has a husband that works full time
and he is also in school.

yeah, i am thinking they need a meal or two thrown their way.
the beautiful thing is she said YES!
she even requested certain dates that she knew she would be extra in need of the help.

i love that!
i mean, i wouldn't have asked if i didn't want to do it.
but so few people ever take me up on those kinds of offers

i appreciated the vulnerability it took rachael to accept my help.

and now for the yummy food:

The Only Sandwhich you Ever Need to Know (by cara harjes)
8 slices garlic peppercorn bakery bread
1 apple (granny smith)
1 lb. sliced deli turkey
1 round of brie cheese
olive oil

brush bread with olive oil; both sides
lightly toast bread on a pan in the broiler (watch closely so as not to burn)
place 3 slices of turkey on four pieces of bread.
top with thin slices of apple and then brie cheese.
toast again (carefully) under broiler in oven to melt the cheese.
place remaining four slices of toasted bread on top of the sandwhiches.


The Salad:

salad mixed greens
1 bosc pear
1/4 cup pecans; toasted and chopped
1 package gorganzola cheese
1/2 cup dried cranberries

The dressing:

1 cup fresh basil
1/2 cup sugar
1/2 cup apple cider vinegar
1 cup canola oil
2- 4 cloves garlic (depending on your taste)

Mix dressing ingrediants in the blender.
Chill dressing in refridgerator.

GOOOOOODBYE Austin, I Hardly Knew Ya!

Dear Austin, Texas USA:
I have heard lovely things about you. Your music scene sounds very fun and funky. I appreciate that in a music scene. I also understand you have good food. Things like burgers smothered in queso. I like queso very much. When you say "burger smothered in cheese", it sounds unhealhty. But adding that Spanish semantic twist was a good idea. Do people eat more cheese in Texas, because it is called queso? I bet they do. Not only do you have good cheese marketing, all of the people I have known who have Austin ties are very down to earth and fun. And let's not forget style. Those ladies have figured out how to do the whole, "Who me??? Oh, i just threw these skinny jeans and sparkely (but not TOO sparekly) top on and happen to look like a sex kitten" look down pat!

Cheese and sex kittens aside, I am afraid when I visit tomorrow, I will have to keep my distance. I can't get too close. I cannnot become attached to you. You see, if I fall in love with you, I will surely be disappointed.

Becuase with clowdy, rainy skies and a humidity level of 94%, it is guarenteed that after this weekend, herb and I will NEVER live in Austin.

With the Anticipation of Unrequited Love,
Cara Harjes

Highlights

A few highlights from our trip . . .

* the last taco stand on the strip of restaurants on the ferry dock. we sat with the owner and his friend while we waited for our boat to arrive. the owner was right when he said he was about to serve me "the best margarita" i would have while in mexico.
* the twighlight ferry boat ride AWAY from the lights and noise of cancun . . . the warm, humid air felt so good on my skin after our long long long cold cold cold ridiculous winter!
* as we rounded a corner, we heard the shouting and laughing of hundreds of children. herb thought i was about to navigate us away from the noise and he near-panickly declared, "We have to go see what that noise is!!!!" As we crested the hill, we saw what appeared to be half of the community out cheering on the middle-school girls basketball team.
* Nightly sunset cocktails on the third story rooftop patio.
* Walking through the neighborhood where we stayed and people watching. With the tourists being mostly contained to two thouroughfares, we really enjoyed tooling around the community.
*Watching the way other cultures do such a neat job of letting family, work, and play all sort of bleed together . . . life is life. None of this compartmentalizing stuff.
* The color of the water - unbelievable! i have never seen anything like it before!
* Making an unexpected connection with another guest at the hotel we stayed at.
* Taking pictures of the early morning fishermen cleaning their catches - one of the men moved the mouth of his fish, making it "sing" to me.
* Riding bikes with herb down the coast; stopping for a fun photo shoot on a hidden strip of beach that was covered in conch shells and then drinks at a peaceful hotel with an amazing oceanside swing bar.
* Being the only non-locals at an ocean-side restaurant.
* Took a $5 cab ride to the end of the island where we snorkeled and rested in a secluded park strewn with hammocks and little niches to sit. It was so quiet we could hear a half-dozen different kinds of birds.
* The guests in our hotel got along so well that one guest initiated a dinner party on friday night. Everyone work together to make the party happen.
* Amazing mexican breakfasts every morning made by jose.
* Waking up in time to watch the sunrise from the rooftop; then taking an early morning walk with my camera down the coast.
* Buying a coconut from a man with a machette.
* Great talks with herbie.

Don't Give Me No Turkey

Our friend Dave was at our house for dessert on Thursday. And after looking at the counter full of food, he asked a question that goes right to the heart of any chef - even a hack like me - "So, were you pleased with how it all turned out? Any favorites?"

Well, YES Dave, there was in fact a favorite . . .
And it was a total suprise! Mom and I both thought that the Sweet Potato Gratin or the the Mushroom Strudel would knock our socks off . . . and that the pork might be a little dry . . .
NOT so! While Herb is a little bit happy that he finally ate the last of the leftover pork last night and doesn't have to have it AGAIN, even he would agree that it was out of this world (at least the first three times, that is)!!!!

Stuffed Pork Loin with Caramelized Onion-Cranberry Sauce
From Cooking Light

For the deepest flavor, caramelize the onions in the same pan you use to brown the pork loin. Substitute apple for pear in the stuffing, if you prefer. Garnish with flat-leaf parsley.

1 (2-pound) boneless pork loin roast, trimmed
2 cups cranberry juice
1 cup water
1/4 cup kosher salt
2 tablespoons sugar
3/4 cup Bosc pear, diced (about 1 large)
1/4 cup (1 ounce) crumbled blue cheese
2 tablespoons dried cranberries, chopped
1/8 teaspoon salt
1/8 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
1 tablespoon olive oil
Cooking spray
1 cup minced onion
1 cup fresh or frozen cranberries, thawed
1/2 cup cranberry juice
3 tablespoons sugar

Cut horizontally through center of roast, cutting to, but not through, other side using a sharp knife; open flat as you would a book. Place roast between 2 sheets of plastic wrap; pound to a 1/4-inch thickness using a meat mallet or small heavy skillet.
Combine 2 cups juice and next 3 ingredients (through 2 tablespoons sugar) in large bowl; stir until sugar and salt dissolve. Pour juice mixture into a large zip-top plastic bag. Add roast to bag; seal. Marinate in refrigerator 4 hours, turning occasionally. Remove roast from bag, and pat dry; discard marinade.

Preheat oven to 350°.

Combine pear, cheese, and dried cranberries; sprinkle cheese mixture over roast, leaving a 1/2-inch margin around outside edges. Roll up roast, jelly-roll fashion, starting with long side. Secure at 2-inch intervals with twine. Sprinkle with 1/8 teaspoon salt and pepper.

Heat oil in a large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat. Add roast; cook for 5 minutes, turning to brown on all sides. Place roast on a broiler pan coated with cooking spray. Bake at 350° for 40 minutes or until a thermometer registers 160° (slightly pink). Let stand for 15 minutes before slicing; cut into 1/4-inch-thick slices.

While roast bakes, add onion to skillet; sauté 8 minutes or until onion is browned, stirring frequently. Add fresh cranberries, 1/2 cup juice, and 3 tablespoons sugar to pan, scraping pan to loosen browned bits. Reduce heat; simmer 5 minutes or until cranberries pop and sauce thickens. Serve sauce with roast.

Yield: 6 servings (serving size: 3 ounces roast and about 1/4 cup sauce)

NUTRITION PER SERVING
CALORIES 226(26% from fat); FAT 6.4g (sat 2.2g,mono 3.1g,poly 0.8g); PROTEIN 26.5g; CHOLESTEROL 67mg; CALCIUM 38mg; SODIUM 584mg; FIBER 1.4g; IRON 0.7mg; CARBOHYDRATE 14.8g

The Menu

Most kids in the '80s went home after school and played Nintendo . . . or went outside and rode their bikes around the neighborhood.
I did that sometimes.
And sometimes I went home and attempted to make homemade mozzarella cheese sticks.

I never really learned how to cook with recipes.
Partially because I have never really been all that great at following directions in general.
I attribute it to the fact that I had eye surgery in the third grade . . .
to correct a vision problem that resulted in dislexia-like symptoms.
It really isn't a big deal anymore. . .
But when I was learning how to learn . . .
Learning was tough for me
School felt like torture
I couldn't follow what the teacher was saying
But I wanted to succeed.
So I was frustrated.

But from a young age, you learn how to adapt your learning style . . .
Since reading and comprehension did not come naturally,
I never really learned how to interact with facts and information . . .
but I developed a keen sense of hearing . . .
my ability to play with words was honed . . .
and I became very visual.

Compensation.

I remember blocking out the teacher's voice when she explained "shortcuts" in third grade math class . . .
"Are you KIDDING ME?
It took me all week to learn how to do it the long way!
I can't risk goofing that up with your shortcut!"

Eventually I had surgery.
Within the year I went from struggling to get a "C", to being an Honor Roll student.
But the foundation for my learning style had been solidified.
It was just too difficult to learn the facts - so I have always done everything by intuition and using my senses.
So in day to day life, that means I probably can't give you detailed directions of how to get to a restaurant downtown . . . but if you came to my house, I could drive us there just fine . . .
using my gut and environmental cues . . .

My dad taught me how to cook just using my five senses.
In the kitchen, I found a great deal of freedom . . . and confidence.
In the kitchen, I didn't have to worry about reading or trying to keep facts straight.

I just cooked.

And it turned out well!

Sweet freedom.

This year I get to make my first Thanksgiving meal for Herb and my mom.
Kind of a small group.

Still praying about any "orphans" that we might need to scoop up and share the wealth with.

This morning I woke up at 5:45 am - excited to start the day. I figured if I could get my tasks done early, I can spend the day scrap booking. Or has Herb has taken to calling it, "mixed media art" . . . we are still working on that "suburban soccer-mom" stereotype that is has historically been attached to scrap booking at our house.

That's okay. We'll get there! Eventually, I will probably be a soccer mom, so there you go!

I just spent the last hour collecting recipes for the meal and putting them into plastic sleeves.
I do use recipes now.
Partially because I need an idea of the nutritional information so Herb and I can make sure we are getting what we need.
Partially because I have hit a plateau in my cooking . . .
And I am now interested in technique and theory.
In fact, it is on my "to-do" list to buy the text book that most culinary schools use, so that I can get my head around how to prepare meat and create sauces.

The Menu:

* Mushroom and Caramelized-Shallot Strudel
with
* Red Wine Reduction
* Field Greens w/ Pancetta . Pears . Blue Cheese . Dried Cranberries . Walnuts.
and
* Vanilla-Pear Vinaigrette
* Butternut Squash Soup
with
* Creme Fraiche
and
* Homemade Garlic Croutons
* Spiced Sweet Potato Gratin
* Grandmother Taylor's Stuffing (an old family recipe . . . always served on the side . . . no need to ruin it by putting it in a turkey!)
* Stuffed Pork Loin
with
* Caramelized Onion-Cranberry Sauce
* Pumpkin Tiramisu

I am really excited about the Butternut Squash Soup. I made this a few years ago as a contribution to a meal . . . and I STILL daydream about it sometimes! I am even more excited because I convinced Herb that I need the pumkpkin soup turine when it went on sale at Safeway this fall!
Please enjoy this amazing recipe:

By the way . . .
Creme Fraiche is made by combining equal parts of heavy cream and sour cream - whip and chill.
Voila!

Butternut Squash Soup

1 Tbs. unsalted butter
1 yellow onion, thinly sliced
4 cups butternut squash puree
1 Granny Smith apple, peeled, cored and
thinly sliced
2 cups chicken stock
2 small bay leaves
3 tsp. salt, plus more, to taste
1/2 cup crème fraîche
1/4 tsp. ground coriander (optional)
1/4 tsp. grated peeled fresh ginger (optional)
8 baguette slices, each 1/2 inch thick,
lightly brushed with olive oil and toasted
until golden brown
Freshly ground pepper, to taste

In a sauté pan over medium heat, melt the butter. Add the onion and cook until soft, about 10 minutes. Transfer the onion to a slow cooker. Add the squash puree, apple, stock, bay leaves and the 3 tsp. salt to the slow cooker and stir to combine. Cover and cook for 2 hours according to the manufacturer’s instructions.

Remove the bay leaves and discard. Add the crème fraîche. Using a stick blender, puree the soup directly in the slow cooker until smooth. Stir in the coriander and ginger. Ladle the soup into warmed soup bowls, garnish each with a toasted baguette slice, and season the slices with salt and pepper. Serve immediately. Serves 8.

YUM!

Snow is falling outside my window. Well, all over Denver. But I can see it outside of my window and it is lovely!

I scrubbed my legs and arms with a mixture of olive oil and brown sugar. Ladies, you have everything you need in your pantry to mix up a little something that will help you feel lovely!

Your base is a "grain" to exfoliate:
Choose from things like salt, ground oatmeal, coffee grounds, sugar (brown or white), ground almonds.

Then you add your liquid to moisturize:
Jojoba oil, safflower oil, apricot kernel oil, grape seed oil, even olive or vegetable oil. Don't use mineral oil (baby oil) because it will clog and dry the skin.

Finally, add a few drops of a scented oil.

Other yummy stuff . . . if you are making Thanksgiving dinner this year, check out the current issue of Bon Appetit - there are some incredible recipes inside!

Not so yummy . . . I have some sort of yucky stomach thing going on today. But I would rather have this than have a cold!

Attitude Check and The Best French Onion Soup Recipie Ever

Around 12:30 this afternoon, I decided to make a menu for the week, complete with grocery list. The idea was to then go to the grocery store and get my supplies for the week so that I will be prepared and perhaps even a bit more relaxed this week. Just think, when I leave the hospital at 4pm, I can be home by 4:15pm instead of stumbling around the grocery store trying to think of something to make for dinner. Lovely.

And yet, it is 3pm and I have just completed my list. It is like I can't let myself do something useful to give myself a hand up for the rest of the week. I could have been to store and back by now. I could have already done the one other task I set out to do today and be reading or doing something creative. But here I am. Still on the couch. And now I will rush around to get all my goals completed before we go to church in 2 1/2 hours.

I can still go to the store. And I can still be prepared for the week. I mean, I have a great menu planned . . . french onion soup and flank steak, fish tacos, and this yummy concoction of chicken, artichokes, mushrooms, kalamata olives covered in a yummy red pepper cream sauce - and the best part is, it is a Cooking Light recipe, so I can feel good about pouring the half and half into the food processor because the elves at CL have found ways to let me use yummy ingredients while watching out for our health at the same time! Bless 'em!

When I was single, I think I probably fantasized about Sundays like today. I would have loved to have a second person to plan meals and cook for. Going to the grocery store while he was snug on the couch with the football game as the backdrop of his dreams would have sounded like heaven to me.

But here I am. It is reality now. And while I enjoy planning meals and going to the grocery store, I don't feel all that different than I did back in my basement apartment, sitting on my hand-me-down fouton - wishing I had a partner to share life with. I still feel discontent sometimes. I still wish I was different - you know, less sensitive and more disciplined. I still get "stuck" sometimes . . . unable to do things I want to do in exchange for widdling away my time and then rushing around later.

I have been studying certain women around me lately. Some live nearby, others are friends far away . . . some are strangers whose blogs I "monitor" on a regular basis. What I am learning is that circumstances inform our experience of life much less than I would like to give them credit for. I have always thought that if circumstances are the barometer, then when I don't feel the way I want to, I can just daydream about different circumstances that might someday bring me the experience and emotions I want.

But I know better than that! I am a therapist, for goodness sakes. I knew in the back of my mind that marriage would not solve all of life's problems . . . my mom told over and over again that a man was not the answer to any pain I might have in my heart. And I replied with an indignant, "I KNOW that mom! But I still want to be married!" But she was right. I hate it when she is right. But she is right . . . a lot . . . especially when it comes to me.

I have the man now - a great man! - but my heart still feels empty sometimes . . . okay, more often than I would like to admit. So I won't.

The point is: the women I have been studying have a variety of circumstances: some are single, others have had tradgedy, some have sick children or struggle with their own health, some have awesome marriages, others struggle financially. But they all have something in common: a strong faith in Christ and a daily choice to look for the positive and enjoy what they have.

So, I will stop my pity party and my daydreaming about being a different person and go put MY shoes on. Because really, despite a few scuffs and the fact that I trip and twist my ankle when I wear them sometimes, they are good shoes. Then, I will kiss my sleeping husband on the forehead. I will go to the store. And I will be thankful.

And now, the soup!

Frech Onion Soup

1/4 cup unsalted butter
6 large onions (about 5 pounds), thinly sliced (**** I find my food processor cuts the prep time for this recipie in half!!!)
1 clove garlic, minced
1/2 cup brandy
1 tablespoon all-purpose flour
6 cups beef broth, homemade or canned
Salt and freshly ground black pepper
12 (1/2-inch thick) slices French bread, toasted
3/4 pound coarsely grated Gruyere

Heat the butter in a soup pot over moderate heat. Add the onions and cook, stirring frequently, until caramelized, about 40 minutes.
Add the garlic and cook, stirring, until fragrant, about 1 minute. Remove the pot from the heat and add the brandy. Return the pot to the heat and cook, stirring occasionally, until almost dry. Sprinkle the onions with the flour and cook, stirring, for 3 minutes. While stirring, slowly add the broth. Bring the soup to a boil, lower the heat, and simmer, with the cover slightly ajar, about 20 minutes. Season the soup with salt and pepper.

Arrange a rack about 4 inches from the broiler and preheat.

Arrange 6 ovenproof crocks or deep soup bowls on a baking sheet and ladle the hot soup into them. Arrange 2 slices of toasted bread on top of each soup and sprinkle with the cheese.

Broil the soups until the cheese is melted and bubbling. Serve immediately.

(***This soup can be made the day before - it tastes even better after it has been around for a while!)

Insignificant Dribble that Must be Said

Last night I used RAW dough (found in the freezer section of your organic grocers) to make a pizza for my baby. When Herb is cranky or even just a little fragile, his response to my question "What do you feel like for dinner?" is always a resounding "PIZZA but I can't have it!!!" So, yesterday I convinced him to let me make him a pizza to indulge himself and hopefully get over his pizza craving which had been hanging on all weekend. There is nothing more gratifying than finding a way to give the person you love what they want and what they need. This RAW dough is only 19 carbs per serving. It is organic and made with whole wheat flour. I am still all aglow from my pizza success. I promised him the "best damn pizza ever" - and the best damn pizza it was!

In other irrelevant and useless news, Rose from 7th Heaven wore my wedding gown last night in the final episode ever! Only, something funky was going on with her train when it was bustled. Mine looked much cooler than hers!

If You Want

Boy oh boy, those folks at Cooking Light are getting clever in their marketing.
Here is the deal. Thursday April 27, 2006 at the Grand Hyatt Capitol Peak Ballroom in Denver (1750 Welton St.) 5:30pm
There will be a cooking "experience" in which you can pay $50 to explore the realm of indian cooking - you will sample Indian curries, explore wine pairings, and learn simple cooking techniques using spices.

I think this is a swell idea. Those boogers are figuring out where they have large pockets of readers and then customizing events in their area. Of course Denver is a large market - we are a bunch of Bo-Bo's. I love this term. It means Bohemian Bourgeoisie. Essentially we are a bunch of overpaid creative culturals who think we are hippies but really we are yuppies. We hide our yuppie ways under "cultural and environmental" purchases and choices. So, give us the chance to spend way too much money to enlighten ourselves and appear to be interested in the world around us without leaving our zip code . . . heck yeah. We're there. I don't mean "we're" there. "We" actually won't be going because I can't stand curry. Sorry. I would love to be the kind of person who likes Indian food. I would also like to be the kind of person who runs marathons but that ain't gonna happen either.

But, I think it is a neat thing. So, if you live in Denver and have $50 to spend on curry and wine . . . Knock yourself out! The 50 bucks gets you the tastings, demos, and a four course meal with wine pairings.

Oh yeah. You have to rsvp and buy your ticket ahead of time. 1-800-366-4712 ext. 8551