4.10.2006

Grace, she carries a world on her hips

We spent some time this weekend with a friend in need of some grace. And the person she needs it from can't give it to her. This same tune has been playing on the Harjes Haus soundtrack all week. I am also in need of some grace from someone in my life who can't give me the break I don't deserve but desperately require in order for our relationship to continue living.

It is so easy to be angry at these people who see our faults, point them out, and then hang them over our heads chanting, "You are not good enough!" It makes me so angry. We're wrong, okay?!!?!! Me, my friend, the whole flippin' world - we are wrong. Not just in what we did but in who we are. We are so wrong we couldn't possibly be made right on our own. We get it. So, just stop saying that. Just stop!

But when I woke up this morning, I realized that I understand where they are coming from - much more than I would like to admit. I realized that I do the same thing. I realized that it fits right into something that has been nagging me the past week. I expect so much more from Herb than what I am willing or able to give him. I demand grace from him, but I am very very slow to give it to him.

For me, the source is fear. I am so scared to make allowances for the faults of others in my life, for fear that I will be absolutely wiped out by their faults. I fear for myself. My life. My safety. I fear that if I overlook a misstep, an oversight, an unkind word, a miscommunication, a hypocritical action, that I am opening myself up to pain.

And maybe I am. Maybe grace requires pain? Maybe it can't exist without pain? Maybe pain is the source of grace? Maybe I have to count on being hurt if I give grace?

Grace
She takes the blame
She covers the shame
Removes the stain
It could be her name

Grace
It's a name for a girl
It's also a thought that changed the world
And when she walks on the street
You can hear the strings
Grace finds goodness in everything

Grace, she's got the walk
Not on a ramp or on chalk
She's got the time to talk
She travels outside of karma
She travels outside of karma
When she goes to work
You can hear her strings
Grace finds beauty in everything

Grace, she carries a world on her hips
No champagne flute for her lips
No twirls or skips between her fingertips
She carries a pearl in perfect condition

What once was hurt
What once was friction
What left a mark
No longer stings
Because grace makes beauty
Out of ugly things

Grace makes beauty out of ugly things

(lyrics by U2)

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1 Comments:

Blogger jessica joy said...

you are a dear friend.

3:40 PM, April 10, 2006  

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