the art

here we go . . .









i was commissioned by a woman who, from what i can tell,
is a go-getter
turns out we went to the same high school in missouri
so, of course she is above average! :)

despite my red & white colt pride,
i tend not to be such a go-getter these days
or at least, it is fair to say, i like to "go get"
at my own pace

but she gave me a large task:
six pieces
in about 8 weeks
one word was given
that each person who will be receiving these pieces
wants to be inspired by each day
and just one adjective to describe each woman's style
was given to me to guide my process.

yikes!

but, when you put a little jet fuel behind me,
i kind of don't mind so much!

the art

i was commissioned by a woman who, from what i can tell,
is a go-getter
turns out we went to the same high school in missouri
so, of course she is above average! :)

despite my red & white colt pride,
i tend not to be such a go-getter these days
or at least, it is fair to say, i like to "go get"
at my own pace

but she gave me a large task:
six pieces
in about 8 weeks
one word was given
that each person who will be receiving these pieces
wants to be inspired by each day
and just one adjective to describe each woman's style
was given to me to guide my process.

yikes!

but, when you put a little jet fuel behind me,
i almost always pull through right on top

here we go . . .

going crazy

a picture from our trip to mexico
back in march
kind of wishing i was back there today
i have created some projects for myself
i put myself out there
and people have responded
and now i have so much work to do
and i am just staring at my computer
hoping it will tell me what to do next

interns are starting in two weeks
this is great
but i really want them to have a solid foundation
i want this learning experience to be organized and meaningful
intentional
i don't want to be flying by the seat of my pants
so i am working
hard
to create order
i am not so great with order

i also have some really amazing commisioned projects
due in july
more on that later
pretty weird that this is all happening at once

words i (re) learned

last week i took some pictures of my beautiful friend stacy and her amazing new little bebe . . .
hutch.

i have to say,
everytime i take "real" pictures
i gain more and more respect for people
who do this professionaly.
dude - it is HARD!

but i think this handful turned out pretty well.

if you have any input (constructive) feel free to drop me an email or leave a comment.

I Like Rocks ***elsie challenge***

today, elsie flannigan did a challenge over at creating keepsakes .
the idea was to scrap a page about something you find beautiful . . .
something that is simple and ordinary and everyday.

there are so many things . . .
kids playing on the playground
the flowers in my front yard
the vintage looking label on the brand of coconut milk i buy . . .
my husband's silly smile that he makes after he has made a joke and is waiting for the perfect pause in the conversation to say his next joke . . . .
the beautiful old wooden floors in our home . . .
so many many things . . .

but there is one thing that came to mind front and center -
(maybe because i had a picture printed and ready to go!?!?!)

the truth is . . .
i really love rocks.
when i go somewhere special, i pick up a rock.
when i am having a hard day, i pick up a rock.
if there is something i want to be sure to remember,
you get it . . .
ROCK!

we have a small and growing menagerie of these memories on our window sill.
there is the flat, round one i picked up one day and sat on the top of my computer at work - i wrote "strength" on it (just as a little reminder that god is my rock and my strength)
then there is the one my sister picked up on a walk back in 2003 over thanksgiving - when we celebrated our last holiday with our beloved aunt sara a few weeks before cancer took her body.
there is the heart shaped one i picked up in hawaii for herb the first time i realized i was in love with him . . .
and the little tiny castle shaped one from our honeymoon that reminded me of the watch towers that dotted the amalfi coast (you know, to protect the city from pirates!?!?!?!)
. . . our most recent addition is the two small white shiny stones we gave to each other during a ritual at the marriage conference this weekend.
it is my version of a modern day karin (not so sure of the spelling on this one)
the way i understand it, "karin" is the irish practice of stacking stones to mark a special moment or place or time.
ancients used to collect and stack rocks when they found some sort of victory.
the isrealites used to pick up a stone when god showed himself faithful . . .
then when they started to wonder where he was again . . .

(and i understand this can happen from time to time
when a three day trip ends up taking 40 years
and your god may or may not show up
in the form of a cloud, a bush, or an ass.)

. . . they would just pull out their rock and remember his faithfulness,
trusting that he will indeed be faithful again.
personally, if i was living a nomadic lifestyle, i am not so sure that my first thought would be "rock!"
but hey, they where under a lot of stress . . .

so, there you go.
a little random tidbit about what makes me tick.
rocks.
they remind me to god's faithfulness,
things i am thankful for,
and things i hope for.

Reduse, Reuse, Recycle

Here is a post I found while looking back into my archives today.
I really like it so I will post it again here today.

"What Do Your Signs Say?"
Originally published on 3/25/2006

I found these signs during my snowshoe hike yesterday.
I have signs like these . . .
ironically placed in just the right spots to keep people (or even myself) from acessing and enjoying the most beautiful, stunning parts of my heart.
I have signs like these . . . destructively keeping me from entering real life.
Real beauty.
Real freedom.
Signs that cause me to stop short of running into the arms of my Savior.
Signs that cause me to look at Him and Life through binoculars.
Wondering, dreaming.
My faith and my salvation have given me abundance. Yet, I stay seated at the perimeter . . .
obeying these signs that keep me from diving in.
Looking at beauty from a distance but believing the signs that are there to keep me out.
Looking at beauty in the face and feeling forbiden to touch it.
Who taught us to erect these signs?
Whose idea was it to take us right up to the edge of real life and then say, "Don't touch!"
Our mothers?
The media?

Or perhaps it lies deeper within.
As if the result of Eve's "apple gone wrong" fiasco altered our very DNA.
As if from the moment we are born, we are inclined to engage life right up to the fences of the wild and the uncharted.
We will live and engage and play and explore . . .
as long as it is safe, and known, and guarenteed.

I don't want to look at pictures of beauty in magazines.
I don't want to read postcards about peace.

I want to run past the signs and the orange cones.

Don't give me decaf or splenda or reality TV.

I want the real thing
and I want to stand right in the bossom of it all
with head tilted high
and righteous fists raised
and glory dripping from my wide hips and oversized teeth
and say to the spinner of all lies . . .
the one who loves war and death and fashion from the 80's:

"This is mine! This is where I belong! My God sees me and knows me and likes me and loves me and He wants me right here! This is MY time and MY place and I will have peace and I will shout "NO!" to anxiety and I will shout "NO!" to being a whiny victim and I will no longer be a whore to depression & self-hatred and I will find kindness between the cobwebs of my cold, dank heart and then splash that stuff all over the place!
I will sing and dance and weep and shout
and write and cook and breast feed when the time comes
and wear pigtails & the color pink
and I will french kiss in public and talk to strangers if I want to
and go to the little kid's waterpark to ride the Lazy River beacause it brings me joy
and I will love my neighbors
and make love to my husband
and be made love to . . .
and don't you dare try to keep me out again, ass hole!"

TAGGED! (does this mean i am cool now?)

so it finally happened.
and right at the perfect time - i have 15 minutes between clients and what a better way to spend that time than to post meaningless, random information about myself?

that's right - i got tagged by this cool girl
a while back, this beauty threatened to tag me . . . but it never happened.

here we go . . .
ten random things about cara harjes . . .

1. in the 8th grade, i won a greek myth writing contest.

2. i can hold a penny in my right dimple.

3. even though i am the oldest, i am not the typical first born kid.

4. i stopped watching chic flicks during my engagement so the idea of "fantasy guy" wouldn't get up in my head and freak me out.

5. i dressed up as an artist on career day in the third grade.

6. also in the third grade, i had a surgery to correct a condition in my eyes that had been presenting as dyslexia.
this experience provided me with two important things:
a) i didn't have to be enrolled in Special School District and i was actually on the honor roll by the end of 4th grade!
b) i received a stuffed monkey from my teacher, whom i named after my anesthesiologhist, Doctor Scheker.

7. i sleep with socks on.
even if that is all i have on.
i must have socks.
and then half way through the night, i wake up long enough to take them off.
i have a perpetual pile of socks in the bottom of the bed.

8. i have blond streak of hair that is a birth mark.

9. after 9/11, i coped by learning how to Lindy Hop.
for about three years i went swing dancing at LEAST once a week.
sometimes two or three times.
i even have the cute 40's wedge, open-toed suede bottom dance shoes to show for it!

10. my mom and all of her siblings were adopted.
maybe someday we will adopt.

*** If you relate to any of these RANDOM things . . . give me a shout out! (i stole that from rachel's blog too!)

TAG: you are it:

herb!.)
kelly!.)
dave!.)

from the girl who should not be allow to blog after 7:30 pm

it woke up.
right now.
well, a few minutes ago.
around 10:45.
after a bath and taking my evening pills.
after snuggeling with herb.
after the light went out . . . for the third time.
as my tall and broad and always warm husband drifted off,
i felt another presense with me.

next to me.

not snuggled up like herb, but rather tugging and prodding.
a presense much stronger and much warmer.
it breaths the hot yummy-stink of creativity . . .
you know what i mean?
it is kind of like "sexy-ugly" or the smell of grass or gasoline.

anyway, it hummed this tune under it's intoxicating breath . . .
the hope of possibility.

full of ability dying to burst through the seams of your neatly croched socks.
ripping out of the bounds of something created to keep me warm and safe.
it is uncaring.
unwilling to take excuses.
it doesn't even have to seduce me before i am slinking out of my bed and following the heat within my own heart into the office to discover any number of endless possibilites.

books, talks at conferences, retreats, photography, a line of fun girly cards, a line of wedding invitations . . .

they all clang about in my head.
and then i see a book (not hard to do in our house) or a photo or a painting . . . .

and i stop.

because somebody already did it.
they don't need you.
the world doesn't need you to do what anyone else can do and what hundrads who are far more brave than you have already done.
and done well.

so i slink away.

but not this time.

you see, i have another pal.
even stronger than creativity.

so here i sit.
me and curiosity.
very interested in what god might possibly do through and in and around this girl.

A Story in Pictures

sHow are you doing today?

Today at the Harjes Haus . . .

listening to a little bonnie raitt today . . . she always makes me smile and dance a sexy little dance!
go bonnie go!
it is a rainy day . . .
just perfect for testing out all of my . . . well, i don't even know what they are called.
gels and varnishes . . .

basically, i spent an hour or so just messing around, mixing different mediums into my paint to see what would happen.
i think the super cool, "i have funky colored hair and you don't" girl behind the counter at the art store must have thought i was nuts when i showed up at the counter with all of these mediums.
she was probably thinking, "amateur! you are buying four things that basically do the same thing" . . .
and i thought about making a cute comment so she would know that i am indeed NOT an amateur.
then i thought, "but i AM an amateur. that's okay."
i left her alone.

then i went to the pool last night after work and felt like an amateur again when the girl i was sharing a lane informed me that she needed to get into another lane because the older gentleman and i were going a bit too slow and she was getting ready to start her workout.
what?
seriously?
she had already been kicking our butts!
and she was just beginning her workout?
that was her warm-up?
after noticing that she was faster than her new lane partner . . .
who happened to be on the Master's Team . . .
i consoled myself by telling myself that she must be training for the Olympic trials.

well . . . she might be.

anyway, i realized that when i just DO something . . .
sometimes, ANYTHING . . .
i have fun . . . more fun . . . than if i just sat on the sidelines wishing i could paint or swim fast.

this week i have been having fun swimming slow and playing around with my paints.
so there you go.

herb and I went to counseling this morning.
things are really moving fast for us . . . finally in a good direction.
we are so thankful.
on the way home, I suggested we run by Target for a quick little peak at the fun new pretty stuff . . .
well, an hour later . . .
I found some books for my pal Noble Sing Nanda . . . a four year old who reads at a second grade level.
Noble recently went to the doctor's office for a check-up.
he had so many questions that the doctor just handed him her copy of Grey's Anatomy and told him to take it home to read with his mom and grandma!
I hope these will serve as some lighter reading for him on the side!

In other news:
We are picking out new cars, as the lease on my car ends in a few weeks. Hmmmmmm.


There is lots and lots of work for me to do at this week at "the office" (basically, wherever i choose to set up shop at any given moment becomes, "the office").


And, just in case you are curious . . . here is our new living room set up. We hosted a little party on Easter and moved some furniture around to different rooms in the house. This is what we came up with. We like it.


Bye!

ps - i am very proud of herb . . . and this project he did earlier this month!

If Life Were A Chick-Lit Novel . . .

(i found this "vintage card catalog" maker on nitty.gritty's blog today . go ahead! make your own!!!.)

AND ANOTHER THING . . .
I have been blogging for over a year.
this is post #198.
that is a lot of blog entries.
a lot about my life has changed in that short amount of time.

i started out telling long stories, often with a "moral at the end of the story".
ironically the very subject of my entries (the challenges in the first year of marriage) had me so worn out that i began using this blog as a place to just be silly or creative instead.

but as my life's journey changes, my focus might need to change yet again.
not sure what that will be.
the point is this:
it might be time for my blog to change a little bit, in order to reflect what is currently going on in my world and my thought process.

i am no longer "the bride" wearing the big white dress.
nope.
after a year and five months . . .
i am definitely a wife.
and i am no longer asking myself "what did i just sign up for!?!?!?"
i am getting situated into being a wife.
i am comfortable and committed to it.
i don't regret it.

but the funny thing is,
i find myself looking back to parts of my pre-wife self with a sense of longing.
not the parts of my pre-wife LIFESTYLE.
no. that is not what this is all about.
but the parts of myself . . . the things i had BECOME.

in my mid-20's, before i met herb, i worked on all sorts of stuff about myself.
i was a late bloomer, emotionally, plus i had some family things to sort out.
i needed to gain confidence, peace, acceptance, patience . . . and during that time, i did.
i really paid attention to some growth and healing that needed to happen.
i explored myself.
and god.
i began to appreciate myself.
i explored why i often ended up feeling so disappointed by friends and family.
i learned to let go.
and find worth in myself from god - not from other people.

i learned so much . . .
but never in the context of a romantic relationship.
my new beliefs and sensibilities . . .
my new "parts" were not strong enough
to withstand all of the emotions and changes
that come when you open your heart up . . .
for the very first time.
by the time herbie came along, these new parts were
still little tiny sprouts, just barely able to support the weight of their own buds and blooms.

during that year i dated herb,
i regressed, i think.
i felt out of control.
when i feel out of control, it is because i feel unequiped in a situation - i don't know what to do.
and then i get scared.
and when i get scared i get very angry.
and anxious.
and i cry.
a lot.

but now my head is above water again,
and i want to rediscover those changes in my heart:
the joy.
the ease.
the lack of striving.
just knowing who i am and loving myself.
as i am.
in the here and now.
not expecting or demanding -
of myself or of others.
just allowing whatever can come today to come.
and letting the rest just be what it is.
i was easy on myself.
and easy on other people.
i looked for simple pleasures in the mundane -
and i FOUND THEM! all of the time!
i saw both sides of a story.
and i gave the benefit of the doubt.
i was flexible.
and kind.

i want that back.
and i think i can have it.
because i think those are all things that reflect maturity and a relationship with god.

I don't want to recapture my single life.
i AM a wife.
and i WANT to be a wife.
herb's wife.
but i want to introduce those free, trusting, easy parts to my new, "wifey self" and see if they can figure out how to play nice together.

so, all of that to say, i am changing
and this blog might be changing soon too.
the name.
the address.
the content.

we'll see.
thoughts are certainly welcome.

Color and Texture and Light - OH MY!

I had so much fun playing with our camera on our trip. I am such a hands on learner . . . so getting up early and going out at sunset was the perfect way to start playing around with sunlight and color. Loved it!