his words . . .

back in february,
i was sitting in the play therapy room
at work with my colleagues and our spouses.

it was our christmas party

because we are therapists,
we don't care about things like
having christmas parties in the correct month.

and because we are therapists,
we do things at christmas parties
that most people wouldn't.

like take an hour and a half,
cocktails in hand,
to encourage one another.
as a staff, we shared all of the things
that we admire and respect about
our colleagues & team mates.

then our spouses got to speak.
and they were asked to share a trait
that we have that is a contribution to our team . . .
and THEN . . .
an area THEY would like to see us grow or push ourselves . . .
PROFESSIONALLY!

it was a gusty move on the part of
the conductor of ceremonies!
but it was cool.

i remember everything herb said.

"cara loves helping people learn about therapy - she is always so excited and pumped up after a team meeting. i would like to see her push herself a little and share her gifts more."

it is amazing what the words of a spouse can do to a person.

it can break a person down.

or it can build a person up.
it can give a person the courage they need to take a risky step.
because they know they are supported and loved
by someone who believes in them

because somebody thinks they have something worth sharing

so i did it
i created an internship program
for Foundations Family Counseling
a Master's level, year long internship program
for counseling students

i wrote curriculum
i marketed to schools
i interviewed candidates
i made binders with lots of information
and i bought snacks

because snacks are important

and yesterday,
for 6 hours,
i led the first day of orientation
for my first class of interns!

and it went fabulously!

going crazy

a picture from our trip to mexico
back in march
kind of wishing i was back there today
i have created some projects for myself
i put myself out there
and people have responded
and now i have so much work to do
and i am just staring at my computer
hoping it will tell me what to do next

interns are starting in two weeks
this is great
but i really want them to have a solid foundation
i want this learning experience to be organized and meaningful
intentional
i don't want to be flying by the seat of my pants
so i am working
hard
to create order
i am not so great with order

i also have some really amazing commisioned projects
due in july
more on that later
pretty weird that this is all happening at once

Snapshot

(a shot from yesterday)


in seminary, we talked about spiritual formation in the context of "knowing, being, and doing".

so . . .
today . . . .

knowing:
i am loved. by god. by herb. by friends. it is a good thing.
it is okay . . . it is all okay.
a little bit at a time, for a long time produces great progress.
there is grace for me and for me to give to others.

being:
patient
nervous
wound up
trying to enjoy
grateful
filled with joy
quiet

doing:
painting & art-making . . . lots of experimenting and giving myself permission to just create without expectation
volutneering at the hospital
inhaling and exhaling
swimming
margarita drinking

have a great day!

Status Check

Current Musings on . . .

Creativity . . . I know I have it, but I think it is stuck. I imagine there is a huge lump of creativity in my right elbow. And it can't get out. And then there are spurts when i have amazing ideas AND the energy to actually do something with them. Lucky for me, these times almost always come when i am driving or working or otherwise unaccesible. Sweet.

Marriage . . . I have decided to begin referring to the first two years of marriage as "The Years of Negotiation". These are the years when you find yourselves arguing (again and again) over things like "does the bedroom door stay open (herb) or closed (cara) at night" and who does the chores. Despite the fact that we have more than 8 months left in the YON, i must say i am really enjoying my man these days. he is sweet and funny and he gets excited over simple things like new undies from the gap with cars on them. it is nice when you figure out how to show love to the one you love! never knew it might turn out to be so simple!

Career . . . I have my hands dipped just a little bit into so many different areas right now. I will let you know if i ever figure out what i want to be when i grow up! this week alone, i interviewed a student for an internship program i am creating, saw a therapy client, volunteered, worked on an art commission, thought about another art commission, and shadowed a Child Life Specialist at the hospital! plus, i have started getting the "mommy bug". i am sure that will go away soon though!

My Butt . . . Sorry. But I really must include this one. After much hard work, I lost 25 pounds this fall. And I managed to keep them off over the holidays! And for the first time since the 9th grade, I bought a BIKINI on sunday afternoon! A real-life, full-fledged, "not your grandma's bikini" bikini! And . . . a size 8 dress. Size 8, people! Again, let me clarify why this is a huge deal! In the 6th grade, I wore clothes from the children's section. In the 7th grade, I wore a size 2 from the juniors section. In the 9th grade, I was a size 12 and have been ever since! Except for the times when I was a size 14. There were a few of those. SO, I am not sure i have ever actually been a size 8! Here is to firsts!

The Artist Formerly Known As Valentine's Day: Vol. 1

9 am: Couples Counseling, where i played the role of wife married to husband with deep-rooted need for unconditional love; made difficult by a deep-rooted determination to never love unconditionally for fear of being taken-advantage of.

11 am: Interviewed a potential intern for the training program i am developing. The real gem here is when the student asked why I am a therapist, to which i replied something just about as charming as "I did not really pick therapy. Sometimes, therapy just picks you. i have tried not being a therapist, but it just keeps coming back to me." yep. i actually said that. really, as she left, i think we both knew i might not see her again. that perhaps she would like to be supervised by somebody whose reason for doing the job they are training her for is more complex than, “I am becoming a very good therapist.” i wouldn't blame her. I know we all have “those” moments. I just get bummed when they come at a time that actually matters.

1pm: Volunteered at the hospital and made a valentine for my man.

5pm: Picked up my man and scurried across town for a surprise massage at Indulgences Day Spa. I like surprises. And Day Spas. It was lovely. And very thoughtful and sweet of my man.

7pm: Now we are at Blockbuster. Sweet man offers up Marie Antoinette. To which I point out that he has no interest at all in this film. But he says he would do anything for love . . . even that. He suggests Season Two of Project Runway but after realizing that Tim Gunn might not be featured very much, we give it up. In the end we decide on a film with the charming Ryan Gosling. He plays a young man in the 1930's. He is a poet at heart but society sees him as nothing more than one of the rough neck mining kids. Except for of course the lovely Rachael McAdams. He sees her. She sees him. He convinces her that she is a tight-a**, and furthermore convinces her that in order to cure this, she should lay in the middle of a road and stare at the stoplights. And when her life is almost whisked away from her as a car plunders through, she doesn't proceed to kill him, but slow dance with him. Back in the middle of the street. What is wrong with this girl? She will never get admitted into Sarah Lawrence if she keeps behaving this way! They fall in love. Her parents tear them apart. He leaves for the war. She goes to school and falls in love with the right man this time. Cal. Who falls in love with Cal? In the end of course, the guy who deserves the girl gets the girl and we tear up a little bit and swoon. And then fall wildly into each other's arms. This last part was pretty awkward when the film was being shown in the theatres. But now that it can be rented . . .
But this is not the film we rented. We got that other Ryan Gosling film. You know, the one that was nominated for something on one of those awards shows? The one that nobody really recalls being in the theatre. Yeah. That one. About the charismatic teacher who speaks the language of his inner-city students . . . oh, and apparently smokes the crack pipe on a regular basis. It is one of those films where there are silences as long at 13-15 seconds. Sometimes longer. It makes me want to smoke a crack pipe. In the end, I don't.

So, his prize student finds out his secret. And apparently he finds out about a secret she has. But I never felt too clear about that. I fell asleep. But I did wake up in time to catch the girl picking her teacher up from a cheap motel after a binder and taking him home. Oh, and a very poor rendition of the "Interrupted Cow" joke. A real feel good movie.

At this point, I wandered upstairs and collapsed on my bed because apparently a massage, a slowly nursed glass of wine (oh wait, that was herb who slowly nursed his wine. i think i practically slammed mine. might be part of the problem), and a generally sensitive body don't go well together. And tiramisu. I really love tiramisu. And so i ate some. But I don't think it was all that useful. The reason I am saying this is because I actually heard ringing in my ears. I didn't know this actually happened to people. I thought it was an expression. For what? I am unsure. But there was ringing. And then a very strange and inexplicable mystery "white noise" and even though sweet herb humored me very well, it was clearly "my very own special noise".

So I slept.
Until I didn't.
That would be until about 3 am.
Because you see, I normally have a small white pill that tucks me into bed at night. But with the wine and tiramisu and whatever weird massage toxins where floating about . . . not to mention the inexplicable noises . . . i skipped the sleeping friend. It just seemed like if I took it, I might not wake up until next Tuesday.
So here I am.
Awake.
Fantastic.
At least it gives me a chance to do my 5 am blogging that I just love doing!

Hope you had a great day!

Who made YOU feel loved yesterday?