confessions of a blushing bride

sometimes i am afraid that if i don't know everything that is happening at all times and the purpose and reason behind it all that i will loose control and get hurt.
sometimes i get really scared that i will screw up my marriage because i am raw and immature and filled with piss & vinegar.
sometimes i am mean to herb because i want to be the stronger one. i want to dominate. the bible said it would happen. and it does.
sometimes i am sad that i will never go on another first date again.
and sometimes i am so thankful that i will never go on another first date again.
sometimes i look around my home and feel so thankful for all the warmth here.
sometimes i forget he loves me.
sometimes i want to have sex.
and sometimes i would rather read a max lucado book while sitting in a dentist's chair, listening to kenny g.
sometimes i stare at the diamonds on my finger.
sometimes i forget to assume the best about him.
sometimes i love knowing that if i don't cook dinner, he wouldn't have such a delicious meal.
sometimes i jump up and down and growl and wave my hands above my head because i can't find the words.
sometimes i look in his eyes and see the real man. and i love him.
sometimes i need to be called on my stuff.
and sometimes i just need to be called "lovely".
sometimes it is really hard to be married.
sometimes i want to pack my bags and head to portugal. not to get rid of herb, but just to know that i can do whatever i want whenever i want.
sometimes i am sad that i can't do whatever i want whenever i want.
and then sometimes i remember that what i used to long for was a partner to make decisions with - together.
sometimes i feel like i was voted out of the cool club when i got married.
sometimes i think i am crazy.
sometimes i feel really really undeniably filled with joy and peace.
sometimes i am still angry that my wedding flowers were not the way i envisioned them. i specifically said no light pink.
sometimes i am angry at myself for still thinking about my wedding flowers.
sometimes i want babies.
sometimes i don't. ever. never.
sometimes i do again.
sometimes this all transpires within five minutes.
sometimes i feel fat.
sometimes i don't.
sometimes i really need my man.
sometimes i still look at wedding web sites and magazines.
sometimes i forget to take my birth control pill.
sometimes i love being a wife.
sometimes i am volatile and hard to live with.
sometimes i put lipstick on before herb get's home even though that seems like a 50's housewife thing to do.
sometimes i realize that at the end of the day, my God loves me in it all and despite it all.