it has been 36 days since my last blog-fessional

. . . or something close to 36.
I don't have a calendar in front of me.
and I always forget how many days are in the month of september.
so i am guessing that there are 30.
and if that is the case,
it has been 36 days.
give or take.

so tonight, i will just do a few randoms.
we will start there and see where that takes us.
or me.
but "us", since you are reading.
unless you aren't reading.
then, it won't take "us" anywhere.

if i blog is written in the forest,
but nobody reads it,
does it still make a noise?

okay, so me,
obviously feeling a little sarcastic tonight.
i sort of "wrote", in my mind, a blog entry tonight
that was an open letter to all of the upbeat and cheery people
in the world.
it was also sarcastic and probably not very nice.
but also a little telling about where i am at these days.

the long and short is that i feel a bit envious of these folks.
but then, the longer and shorter of it is that i am actually a little
bit full of a lot of pride that i am not one of them.
or, dear reader, one of you, depending on who you are, i suppose.

but the truth is, i am not a pessimist.
quite the opposite, really.
i have been called joyful and determined.
and i would say those are accurate observations.

i know my heart and i know it is full of hope.
it it were not, i would not be so determined.
i would not be so full of perserverence.
but there is something that seperates me
from the upbeat and peppy crowd.
in my most vain of moments, i like to call that thing
a realistic, authentic perspective on the world.
who knows.
maybe i am wrong.

mabye there is something else there.

but of course, because i am an optimist,
i doubt i am wrong.