it has been 36 days since my last blog-fessional

. . . or something close to 36.
I don't have a calendar in front of me.
and I always forget how many days are in the month of september.
so i am guessing that there are 30.
and if that is the case,
it has been 36 days.
give or take.

so tonight, i will just do a few randoms.
we will start there and see where that takes us.
or me.
but "us", since you are reading.
unless you aren't reading.
then, it won't take "us" anywhere.

if i blog is written in the forest,
but nobody reads it,
does it still make a noise?

okay, so me,
obviously feeling a little sarcastic tonight.
i sort of "wrote", in my mind, a blog entry tonight
that was an open letter to all of the upbeat and cheery people
in the world.
it was also sarcastic and probably not very nice.
but also a little telling about where i am at these days.

the long and short is that i feel a bit envious of these folks.
but then, the longer and shorter of it is that i am actually a little
bit full of a lot of pride that i am not one of them.
or, dear reader, one of you, depending on who you are, i suppose.

but the truth is, i am not a pessimist.
quite the opposite, really.
i have been called joyful and determined.
and i would say those are accurate observations.

i know my heart and i know it is full of hope.
it it were not, i would not be so determined.
i would not be so full of perserverence.
but there is something that seperates me
from the upbeat and peppy crowd.
in my most vain of moments, i like to call that thing
a realistic, authentic perspective on the world.
who knows.
maybe i am wrong.

mabye there is something else there.

but of course, because i am an optimist,
i doubt i am wrong.


Blogger RachelDenbow said...

I'm so glad you wrote this. I feel like this a lot. But I think 'recovering pessimist' is the term for me.
Missed you.

9:07 PM, October 28, 2007  
Blogger Kelly said...

i like to think of myself as a realist - who hopes for the best. a cynic - who wants the most out of life. i think you're a lot the same. maybe we need to coin a new word. it's not really pessimism vs. optimism. maybe we're hopefulcynicalrealists.

10:02 PM, October 28, 2007  
Blogger Kelly said...

by the way...i'm glad you're back. i've missed you here in blogland!

10:04 PM, October 28, 2007  
Blogger Melanie said...

so glad you posted. not sure what your post is about, but i am glad you did... :)

i have found myself decidedly unoptimistic these days, so i can totally relate.

at the same time, i could definitely be characterized as part of the peppy crowd on some days... and i think a lot of times, i am putting on a happy face b/c that is what is expected of me.... or it's b/c being w/ people tends to bring out the best in me (extrovert).

good to see you!!

12:13 PM, October 29, 2007  
Blogger barthnfagan said...

Great to see you back! Check out my "new" blog! leviziekkelton.blogspot.com
Cara B-F

12:06 PM, October 30, 2007  
Blogger the hamster said...

i would not necessarily consider myself a pessimist, but i so often want to give optimists a swift kick in the crotch. there is something in me that needs to be healed, i am sure of it.

keep exploring this, lady. there is something gloriously necessary about these self-revelations. i would hate for you to leave it in one post - even if you never show the resulting process to anyone else.

1:36 PM, October 31, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

There is a mysterious truth about life swiming in your post, although it is not necesarily what you or others have yet commented on. It is this: There are some of us, your readers, who are envious of your life; which seems peppier, lighter, and less stressful than, some of ours.

Is it true that your life is easier, or lighter, or more or less authentic than ours? I don't know.

There are lots of points to be made here and lessons to be learned. I only share because I was often appreciate hearing other people's perspectives, especially when they differ from mine.

There are days I have watched your life with envy, and thought I would like to trade places. And perhaps you have done the same with others. I hope for me, and for you, that we are able to live our lives with passion and not miss our truth studying someone elses.

Thanks for your post.

6:26 PM, November 06, 2007  

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