5.05.2006

Irony, Stellar Store Planning, and the Cycle of Life


Last night, after my counseling appointment, I decided to engage in some continued therapy. So, I went where any gal would go when seeking to enlighten, grow, and heal . . . Target. In addition to finding hilarious, cheap puppy and lion costumes for Levi and Ali's third birthdays and snagging some sassy beaded shoes, I found myself duly entertained by the set up of the store. Completely tailored to the female customer, ages 18-35, your journey begins smack dab in women's clothing and accessories. Next, we move into lingerie . . . which gently and subtly flows into the Maternity section. From there, it is all smoooooth sailing right into baby clothes.

So apparently life is like this:
If you look hot.
You take your clothes off.
Then you look hotter.
Then things get hotter.
Then you're just hot because your body temperature is unregulated for 9 months.
And finally, you breastfeed a small child for the next year of your life, in which you will be covered with baby throw-up and diaper rash cream.
During this time, you will not be hot or feel hot.
You will do nothing hot.
Once baby turns about 18 months, you will begin to regain your senses.
You will still not look hot.
But the mere sight of your husband's hands no longer repluses you and you will want to feel hot again.
So you will journey back to the front of the store.
And the cycle starts all over again.

This, friends is the real reason why we see so many mothers with one toddler and one infant, buying bulk supplies of diapers in the grocery section of Target (which, coincidentally, is just a hop, skip, and a jump away from baby clothes).
Damn marketing strategists!

So, ladies, next time you put on a sparkly tank top or a pair of hoop earrings, think about where this might all be leading you!

(*** i get the same chuckle every time i walk by my favorite lingerie store, Sirens on Third . . . which is appropriately placed right next door to the cutest maternity shop - Belly! ***)

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9 Comments:

Blogger the hamster said...

this is why i love having so many female friends: i would have never made these connections!

brilliant post. in my opinion, one of your best so far.

9:09 AM, May 05, 2006  
Blogger Lolita said...

so cara, are you saying i am not hot?

i may have stretch marks & a c-section scar. my boobies may be deflated like balloons. i may not be as skinny as i once was, but i assure you, i am HOT!

that's what andrew always tells me anyway!

1:51 PM, May 05, 2006  
Blogger Cara said...

oh, you're hot. you know you're hot! a better way to say it might have been, "You will still not FEEL hot".

2:20 PM, May 05, 2006  
Blogger hurricanic said...

Cara, as a single girl, I applaud your perspective here before it lures me into it's trap. Maybe if i pass the clothes and go direct to the chocolate isle, I can avoid all trouble. Now that I think about it, the chocolate leads to the potato chip which leads to the soda pop which leads to the pharmacy where I can buy diet pills and laxatives which leads to the self-help book section and the sappy music section which leads to gardening. Why would chocolate lead to gardening? It's something you do alone.

9:28 PM, May 05, 2006  
Blogger travis said...

I ditto the hamster. Great post, great perspective and observation.
I'm going to print this one off for my wife to enjoy.
18 months, huh? My daughter is only 8 months old.

9:38 AM, May 08, 2006  
Blogger Cara said...

Travis . . . Melanie . . . and Travis' wife . . .
I really have NO idea what I am talking about. I do that a lot. That's what makes me such a good therapist. But, please keep in mind that while funny, this post is based soley on observation with absolutely no personal experience to back it up. I am sure that, even with young child, both women are very hot. HOT!!!!!

9:44 AM, May 08, 2006  
Blogger denverherbie said...

Don't let the humility fake you out... my red-hot, smokin' wife knows what she is talking about.

1:19 PM, May 08, 2006  
Blogger Cara said...

well thanks sweets.
but that doesn't mean that melanie and travis' wife aren't absolutely ravishing!

6:00 PM, May 08, 2006  
Blogger HintofDisaster said...

Yeah, Melanie is way hot. If that is the only thing anyone learns from this post, Cara, it is a post well-posted.

11:29 AM, May 09, 2006  

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