advent:before

it is here.
the time before
christ's birth.

my heart is craving things
this season
that will remind me of
and draw me deep into
the journey of

waiting

and

wondering.

i want to be reminded of
the journey one takes
when the lights have gone out
and there are no more egg rolls.
and not only that,
all of the egg roll stores
are closed.
forever.

and nobody seems to care.

when promises have been broken
and tomorrow seems like
a silly figment
of an imagination that is

jaded

and

wounded.

this dark,
dreary,
egg roll free zone
is the background
of our world.

when we don't notice that
we are constantly covered in bruises
as a result of bumping into
the coffee table, and the couch, and each other;
and that our belly's are empty,
it is simply because we have become
very very good
at disguising our disappointment
and our terror that the last bus
has left
and we are still here.

we laugh
and smile
and watch movies
and eat processed foods
and buy iPhones
and wear bright, cheery dresses.

but the truth?
under it all?
we
are
all

waiting

alone

lost.

i love that this is the time of waiting.
because in waiting,
there is
promise.
anticipation.
hope.

this is the time that,
out of the darkness,
after there was no more king OR egg rolls
to be had in Israel,
and order was naught,
and all of the iPhones were on back order,
(so the dark really felt dark,
and they could not longer pretend
that their hot pink dress was relevant),
that there came a ridiculous promise.

truly,
it
was
ridiculous.

but it was better than anything else they
had to go on.
so they waited.
and hoped.
they believed.

and during this time of
advent
(which means BEFORE en francais)
we are reminded that we are living
the same way.
not just in a state of darkness.
but also, in a state of waiting.
in a state of hope.

we are reminded that we can
take off the pink dress
and put down the iPhone
and really sink into reality.
dark.
lonely.
scary.
and as we sit here,
we wait.
and wonder.
and wander.
and ponder.

AND BELIEVE

that life will not always be this way.

this is the time that we remember
that we are waiting for something
so much better than *gasp* anything
that steve jobs could ever sell.
(those are gutsy words to utter in this house!)

this is the time that we remember
that a promise was made
and a king was born.

and now,
if we choose to,
we simply allow ourselves

to wait

and

trust.